Chapter Fifty-Three: Somebody That I Used To Know

She’d avoided the salon for most of the day but she knew she couldn’t avoid it forever. She wanted to make sure things were all in order even though part of her wondered if it was worth it. Would she still be here in a few days? A number of things could potentially happen and none of them she was prepared for.

Jon could change his mind and call the cops-hell or the feds on her and it would be all over. She’d be deported back to New Zealand and god knows what would happen to her there. The reality was she could be headed for jail time. God. The room started to spin and she gripped the edge of the kitchen counter to steady herself.

Of course the other option was to run. She probably should have but the idea of it was exhausting. The year she had spent on the run, in and out of small towns in the south had been awful. She’d been lucky and found people along the way who were kind enough to help her but there will times where she had nowhere to go and didn’t know what the hell she was doing. Especially carrying around that amount of money. She was lucky she wasn’t killed for it.

She sighed. The other option was out of her control. Things could go back to the way they were, Jon would carry on with his life and she with hers. She doubted whether she could actually do it though. How did you go from having absolutely everything to having nothing all over again? Well, it wasn’t anything materially but it was emotionally.

There was still a breath between them. The way he’d come over to her, he’d tried but the hurt had been too raw for him. She understood that but she didn’t know whether to cling to that hope that there was some way out of this, or would he soon see the way out of this for him was the easiest option?

After a long hot shower she dressed in a simple red cotton sleeveless dress, pumps and cinched it with with a thin white belt. She dabbed some makeup on in the mirror and covered up the black lines around her eyes where hours of no sleep looked like days. She pinned her hair back and gathered her things before walking downstairs to face the world.

“Devon!” Jonathan exclaimed as she walked in. “You look amazing, are you feeling any better?”

She nodded and she doubted if she really did look amazing. “I am. Thanks for holding the fort again, you’ve been doing that a few times lately.”

“Well I don’t mind especially when you’re running off with Romeo, how is he anyway?” He asked wiggling his eyebrows.

She half-laughed but her stomach sank when she remembered the sad look in his eyes as he’d left. “We’re both going to be busy so we won’t be seeing each other as much.” She offhandedly replied. Jonathan didn’t buy it but she knew he wouldn’t push her.

“Ok then. Well I have some orders and things I need you to approve and then we can check out your schedule for tomorrow and make sure you’re not taking on too much. I don’t want you overdoing it if you’ve just been sick.”

“Thanks Jonathan.” He always was a life-saver.

“Devon-sorry to interrupt but there is someone here to see you.” Emma and her blond curls popped her head around the corner. “Patti?”

“Oh-right. Sure thing.” Devon smiled. “Can you show her to my consult room and I’ll be there in a moment.” She flattened her palms down her front and took a deep breath. She was going to have to pull herself together and quick.

“Jonathan-I’ll catch up with you soon ok - we’ll talk a little later before you go home ok?”

“Sounds good boss.” He shuffled his papers, patted her shoulder and headed back to the reception desk. Devon slipped into her consult room where Patti was wrapped tight into a woollen coat. Her flame red hair was swept over to one side down her shoulder, she looked gorgeous as ever. She grinned and held her hands out when Devon walked in.

“Devon, honey. I’m so sorry again to just pop in like this.” She took Patti’s hands and Patti gave them a gentle squeeze. The tears swelled to her eyes but she swallowed them quickly.

“Nonsense. You’re welcome here anytime.”

“I was downtown to collect some papers for Bruce. And you were nearby so I wanted to know if you and Jon wanted to come out to Jersey next weekend?”

“Um. Well that’s lovely but I don’t know if we can...” She was caught off guard always ready with excuses as she had in the past but this time she was found wanting.

“No problems if you’re busy-we can always do it another time. We loved having you guys over. Stevie and Maureen are coming as well.”

She lifted her brow. “Well-I.” She tucked her hair back and sighed. “I’m not sure what the future holds for Jon and me if I’m honest.”

“What? Why?” Patti asked as she sank into the chair and Devon sat in the one facing her.

“I told Jon about my past and he didn’t take it too well.” She shrugged. “I’m not sure why I’m so shocked really.”

“Devon, honey. I’m so sorry.”

She shook her head. “Don’t be. You don’t know what I did.”

Patti remained silent and Devon covered her eyes. “I ran away from New Zealand after my boyfriend convinced me to help him rob a bank and then skip the country except he got caught but I still ran, with the money.”

Patti sat back and crossed her legs and didn’t say a word.

“See?” Devon asked. “Its bad.”

“Honey. I knew you’d done something, ok maybe not that big. You did the right thing coming clean with him because I think you came clean with yourself at the same time. How long has it been?”

“Five years. I was such an idiot. I was so blind.”

“Well we’ve all been there darlin’.” She spoke softly.

“I’ve ruined everything and I’ve broken his heart. Honestly at the moment I couldn’t care less if I was thrown in jail for what I’ve done-I just wish I could make what I did to him better. He doesn’t deserve this.” The emotions tugged at her again but this time there was a stronger resolve underneath it all.

“Can you fix it?” Patti asked.

Devon shook her head. “Honestly I don’t think I can. I can do the right thing but I’ll lose him forever. God, I probably have already.”

“Fight for him.”

She lifted her head and wiped away the tear. “I’m sorry?”

“Fight for him. Show him you’re willing to fight for him. Devon. I don’t know why you did what you did--and yes it’s a mess but it isn’t over yet. There are people that can help you here-him being one of them but he’s not going to help you unless you show him why he should.”

It was an option she’d never considered until now.

“I wouldn’t know where to start - and I doubt it would change his opinion.” She admitted but strangely she felt calm. All this time she’d considered running, Jon doing this, Jon doing that... but not what she could do to fix this.

“Tell him. Tell him everything and tell him you’re not willing to let him go without a fight and until every option out of this has been exhausted. You have to understand it might not work but then you will least know you did everything you could.”

“Wow. I don’t know what even to say.” She sat up and her mind cleared. She felt oddly in control again.

“Do you want to fight for him?”

She stared Patti back straight in the eyes. “Of course I do. He’s-god. I love him.”

“Be honest with him. Be completely transparent. You know Jon-I know Jon. That’s what will be killing him here.”

“God. You’re right.” Devon stood up and put her hand on her belly. Could she do this? How much worse could it really get? Honestly. So she had nothing to lose.

“You’ve messed up big time but you’re different now and you have to prove that to Jon.”

“I think he expects me to run. And if I’m honest I’ve thought about it.”

“Well run, if that’s what you want. But Devon I know you. I know the real you, is that what you want?” some tough love is what she’d been missing. It had been easy to climb into the hole of self-pity and contemplate hiding there forever.

“No. I don’t want to run - I can’t run anymore.”

“Then Devon, honey. You know what you need to do here.” Patti smiled warmly and Devon nodded.

“I do.” It had become clear to her. She had to do this. She had to show him she was serious about him even in light of what she’d done. Maybe it wouldn’t work but she’d walk away knowing she gave it her best shot.

“We’ve all done things we’re not proud of. Jon included. I will help you in anyway--I don't want you to feel alone in this.”

Devon’s heart filled as she smiled. “Why? You don’t have to do that for me. You hardly know me.”

“Oh you remind me of someone I used to know. That’s all.” Patti winked. “Someone that had to learn the exact same thing as you are now. To fight for what they wanted.”

“God. I-don’t know what to say.”

“Don’t say anything to me. Say it to him.” She said as she stood and they embraced. Devon squeezed her eyes shut as Patti held her tight and for the first time in years she felt like she had family back in her life.

“Now. You call me. Anytime. You hear?” She held Devon at arm’s length until she nodded and then let her go.

“I will. I promise.” The bundle of nerves inside her flipped and twisted as she thought it through.

“Time to stop feeling sorry for yourself babe. No one else will.”

Damn how right she was. Patti had given her the kick in pants she’d so desperately needed. “Thank you so much.”

“Anytime. It’s time to prove that the old you was just somebody that you used to know Devon. You’re a different girl now. And you and Jon--well you fit.”

She smiled for the first time in what felt like forever. “We do fit.”

“Anybody that believes in love can see that. The night you two were over at our place Bruce said to me Jonny B finally found the one.”

“He said that?” She reached for the tissues. “Dammit, I have no more tears left in me.”

Patti laughed. “Then its time actions and no more tears.”

“I’m petrified.” Devon admitted.

“Fear is good. Fear means you want him and you won’t give up, right?”

In theory it seemed so simple. “I won’t give up.” It would be a lot of work and she didn’t even know how to start. But Patti was right, she had to try as no one else would. It wasn’t about clearing her name. She knew what she’d done. It was about proving to Jon that he was worth the fight. He wanted honesty and loyalty. He was going to get it. Just in a way he wouldn’t expect.

“Good girl. Pull yourself together and go and see him. You’ll know when the time is right.”

The nerves tangled in knots inside her but it was more in anticipation for what she was about to do. It was time to lay it all down on the line. She had to stick a stake in the ground and draw a line in the sand and show him it was worth fixing. The reality was she could walk away losing everything but at least she would know she tried her damn best not to. She owed it to him and she owed it to herself.