Chapter Fifty-Four: May Your Hope Give Us Hope

“I don’t know about you but I think I need a breather.” Richie stretched out his long legs from the couch and dropped his guitar gently to the floor.

“Yeah yeah-we’re nearly there with this one though.” Jon scrawled the chords through the lyrics on the pad and rubbed his chin. “How about we dip down to the e flat minor here.” Jon saddled himself with the guitar and strummed a few lines.

“I can’t pretend that nothing's changed. - Yes. Perfect.”

“Yo-take a break dude we’ve been working five hours solid. We should order some pizza.” Richie said rubbing his belly as he stood up.

“I’m not hungry.” Jon replied as he wrote the chords through the next lines of lyrics. A solid day of writing hadn’t been enough to take away the dull ache in his chest. Ever since he’d left Devon’s yesterday he was even more fucking confused. Seeing her at least confirmed one thing and that was he still loved her. But what the fuck did he do now? What could he do, realistically?

“You need to eat something Jon. Your kitchen looks like it hasn’t been touched in days except for the two day old pot of coffee that’s sitting there.”

He grunted. If it shut Richie up then he’d eat some fucking pie. “Ok just go easy on the cheese.”

“Got it.” Richie reached for his phone and headed out to the balcony.

He’d tried using writing to get away from Devon but in the end as his writing always did, the page was bursting with her as it was what was in her heart. Her sad smile and eyes ate away at his gut. Did he walk away? Any sane man would have by this point but it wasn’t that simple.

“So the pizza is going to be about fifteen minutes away. You want a drink? I’m going to grab a soda. You look like you could do with a wine.”

Jon shook his head. “Just grab me a soda. I don’t think I’d be able to stop if I started a bottle of wine today.”

Richie folded his arms and stood there.

“What?” Jon asked knowing the Spanish inquisition was coming. There was only so long Richie could wait.

“I’ve sat here for nearly five hours and we’ve written, probably some of the coolest shit we have in a long time and I’ve not said a word.”

“About what?” Jon asked even though he knew exactly where it was going.

“Devon.”

“I don’t want to talk about her, not now Rich.”

Richie paused and then took a step towards the kitchen. “Ok. But you’re gonna have to eventually.”

“Just the soda Richie.” Jon said again as there was a knock on the door. “Fifteen minutes huh? Hope you have a good tip as that was fast.” Jon said as he walked towards the door. He dug for his wallet in his back pocket and opened the door.

“Hey.” Devon was standing there in jeans, a charcoal coloured coat with a pink scarf wrapped around her neck.

“Devon--I, hi.” He said for the lack of anything else he could manage to say. Her golden hair was loose around her shoulders and she looked rested, and hell as breath-taking as ever.

“Jon. I need to talk to you.”

“Ah-well I’m kinda in the middle of something at the moment. Richie and I are writing. Can it wait?”

“No it can’t.”

Jon stood back. “I’m sorry-I’m working.” He wasn't angry- more surprised it was a demand.

“Can I talk to Richie?”

“What? No you can’t. We’re busy Dev-” He cleared his throat. “Devon. Can you come back later, even tomorrow as sometimes we don’t finish till very late?” He pushed the door to close it and whispered. “Richie doesn’t know about this and I don’t want to tell him so can I text you later?” He slowly pushed the door but she jammed her foot in it.

“No. It can’t wait Jon. Send Richie back to his hotel.”

Jon frowned. What the hell was she playing at? “Are you serious? I am writing it's what I do-”

“Heyyyy Devon!” Richie exclaimed behind him and he closed his eyes.

“Hi Rich. Sorry to intrude like this.”

“Hey it’s ok--hell if you can get the old boy in a better mood I’ll be all for it.”

“Richie.” Jon snapped. He was pissy because he had no idea what the fuck was going on here.
“It’s ok. Richie, I’m pretty sure I’m the reason the old boy is in a bad mood.”

Jon coughed. “Which we can talk about later.”

Devon ignored him and put her hands on her hips. “Richie - are you ok leaving Jon and me to talk? There are some things I need to say and I’m not prepared to wait.”

Fuck me. He didn’t know if he should be flabbergasted or impressed.
Richie held his hands up. “Say no more. I’ll head around to a mates place. I can be scarce for a few hours.” He grabbed his coat and wallet. “Text me Jonny boy.” He patted his shoulder and gave Devon a kiss on her head as he left.

“You done?” Jon asked and folded his arms.

“Not even close.” Devon said as she let herself in and unwound her scarf and pulled off her coat.

“Holy shit. I am going to need wine for this.” Jon said as he stormed back into the kitchen. He stood at the bench and closed his eyes. He wanted to tell her to fuck off but he couldn’t. He wanted to know what she wanted and hell he didn’t want her to leave. If Dorothea had ever pulled that shit with him he would have given it right back to her. So why couldn’t he even find it to give to Devon?

“Wanna make that two?”

He turned to see her leaning in his doorway. Her jeans and right black scoop neck top showed off her shapely figure. God dammit don’t think about that right now asshole. He reached up and slid two wine glasses off the rack.

“What are you doing here Devon?” She was so calm. What the fuck was she gonna do? Tell him this was all a joke? Maybe it was one of those reality TV show crap that his kids watched.

“I came to fight for you.”

His pulse quickened and a lump swelled in his throat but he didn’t look at her. Instead he corked the wine and poured it into two glasses. “I’m sorry?”

“I came to fight for you.” Her voice wavered. “I love you Jon and I don’t want to lose you.”

Oh boy. The feelings he still had for her were so raw it was impossible to fucking ignore them. He took a swig of wine and then turned to hand her a glass. “I don’t really know what to say to that.”

“I know you don’t. So that’s why I’m here.”

“Devon-I just don’t know.” He pinched the bridge of his nose and squeezed his eyes shut. “I miss you so much.” He admitted. Dammit.

“I know. Me too. But I also know what I’ve done is unforgivable so I’m here to see if there is anything salvage and if there is... we can go from there. I can’t go on like the way it is. It’s been two days and I feel like shit over this.”

“Did you ever plan on telling me?” Jon asked. One part of him always wanted to know that. If she hadn’t of had the break in, if she hadn’t have been caught with so much money he would have never suspected anything.

Her eyes shifted away from his. “I didn’t think we’d end up so close. I didn’t expect us to last. I was completely wrong there. I admit that and the longer we were together the easier it was to justify not telling you.”

“But we didn’t break up.” Jon pointed out.

“No, we didn’t. It became the exact opposite-everything was so - well perfectly perfect. You pretty much gave me everything I’d been missing in the last ten years of my life in six weeks. I didn’t want to give that up.”

It had all been so fast, Even that was out of character for him but for once in his life he hadn’t questioned it and went with it and look where it had landed him. He trusted his instincts with her and it had been completely wrong to.

“I understand.”

“No you don’t understand Jon. You were everything to me. You have to believe me when I say to you that if I could change this I would. I didn’t want it to end because I loved you, and I still do.”

He blew out his breath and he believed her. The frustration in her voice was real but there will still the matter that even if he could forgive her for the lies how could they get past the fact she was in loose terms, an outlaw. “Let’s go into the living area and sit down.”

She smiled and her eyes glistened with tears. “Thank you.”

He grabbed the bottle. “I can’t promise you anything Devon. I don’t even know where my head is at with this and you know me, that’s not me and it’s fucking scaring me shitless.”

“I know and I’m so sorry I’ve made you feel this way but I don’t want to lose you.” His heart jolted when her hand rested on his arm. He didn’t want to lose her either but he honestly had no idea how the hell any of this could even work anymore.

“Ok.” Was he all could manage. “Let’s talk.” It shouldn’t have but the determination in her tonight had made him want to consider a future for them. He didn’t even know what that looked like and he needed to know more before he could even see it.

They settled themselves in the living room to only be interrupted by the doorbell again.
“That’ll be Richie’s pizza. Hope you hungry.” He pulled a twenty from his wallet and handed it over.

“I could do some food. I haven’t eaten for a while.” She admitted as she sat with her legs crossed Indian style on his couch.

He chuckled. “Neither have I evidently.” He sat down at the opposite end of her and lifted his feet onto the couch biting into a slice of pizza. He slid the box over to her end.

“I want you to know everything. I think you deserve it. I’m not making excuses for anything that I’ve done but I did make some stupid choices that led to even stupider actions. It’d be easy for you to walk away from this and never look back.” She lifted a piece of pizza to her mouth. “I wouldn’t blame you for it either, it’s what I deserve but you have to know I’m different and somehow I want to make this right.”

Something about someone telling you that they’d fight for you was humbling in itself. He’d fought for so many people in his past. His wife, Richie, Alec--his band but he couldn’t ever remember someone that was willing to fight for him.

“I just don’t understand how you’re still here. I mean -- aren’t people looking for you?”

“They probably are. But it’s been five years Jon since I left. I laid low for the first year over here. Jared is out of prison now, the case is probably closed. Even if it’s not right which it’s not - enough time has passed that I highly doubt I’m on any wanted lists.”

“So if Jared is out of prison aren’t you worried he’s going to come after you?”

She shrugged. “I was petrified for the first few months but I know enough that his criminal record wouldn’t let him in here. He’d be stopped at the customs.”

“Unless he was under a false identity like you were.” Jon added. He was struggling to deal with the fact they were talking about this like a bad marriage. It was breaking the law for fuck’s sake. He sighed. Devon didn’t even look like a criminal and the Devon he knew, wasn’t.

“Of course that’s an option but being now an ex-crim he’d have a hard time doing deals with the people that have access to that.”

“You don’t think he was responsible for your break in?”

She shook her head. “No. If Jared was here. He wouldn’t be subtle about it. He’d find me, I have no doubt about that.”
“And what if he finds you?” Hell, he’d probably try and kill her for all he knew about this guy. Could he really risk that for himself and his own family?

“And your parents? They have no idea where you are?”

She sipped her wine. “No, and Dad’s a policeman. I covered my tracks but I am sure he could have found me if he wanted to. Honestly.”

“You think he didn’t want to because he’s ashamed?”

“Wouldn’t you be? Your daughter is a criminal. You’re the commissioner of police. It’s not a good look.”

“God. Devon. I just don’t know how you-well...”

“Lived with myself?” She asked.

“Yeah, I guess that’s what I’m trying to say if I’m honest.”

“It’s ok. I knew you wouldn’t be able to understand that. You’re so tight with your family. And I was as well before I made some really bad decisions. In the end another bad decision seemed easier than trying to make things right.”

He didn’t get it. But that was him he had to realize if he ever had a hope to understand her and to make this work he needed to try. “Ok tell me everything.”

She’d come to him. It would have been too easy for her run and he admired her for at least that. She had made it clear she wanted him-whether that was a real viable option right now he wanted to at least assess the situation. He loved her for Christ’s sake and you didn’t just walk out on love. He realized that now. If he was truly committed to her, He was going to have to try.