Chapter Fifty-One: Brilliant Disguise

The lights whizzed past the windows as she rested her head against Jon’s shoulder for the ride home. New York was always so pretty at night. The lights and people that spilled out of theatres and popular nightspots into the streets helped it live up to its name as the city that never slept.

The crossroad that she’d been avoiding was here and it was like she was standing in the middle of the road deciding which way to go. She had made that decision when she’d walked into Mojo that she couldn’t go on like this. She loved Jon, so much that it hurt even thinking how this would end.

Honesty was something Jon valued more than money and she she’d lived her lie long enough and was tired of carrying the burden of what she’d done alone. It had been five long years and while she had Jonathan and her girls at the salon and always thought that would be enough keeping them at a safe distance. She was wrong. What she had with Jon was so much more and enriching that she could ever have imagined.

She used to think her girlfriends back home were crazy having their whole lives revolve around a man and she vowed never to me one of those girls but she was silly. It wasn’t actually about having a man to revolve around it was about having someone that you could share everything with. It was about him and how you looked forward to his smile everyday, his kiss and his touch. God, and his laugh.

And she was afraid now that she was going to lose it all. There was a tiny piece of hope she clung to that after Jon knew the truth he’d still want to be with her. And if not, she was resigned to believe that it was better to love and lost than to not have loved at all. Alfred Lord Tennyson was onto something there.

She was pretty sure that would just be a cold comfort in the end though.

They arrived back in Soho and Jon snickered as he checked his phone.

“Something wrong?” She asked amused as he quickly tapped back a text.

“Yeah, I ditched my wing man apparently.” Jon showed her the phone.

You forgot to say goodbye fucker. Enjoy your orgasm on me. R.

She burst out laughing and clutched her belly, the nerves started to swim and thrash. “He’s a good friend. He did come and get a haircut off me when he really didn’t need to.”

Jon tipped the driver as the rounded out in front of the penthouse. “That’s Richie for you. Now you, it’s time to come inside.”

He dragged her up the elevator and the closer she got she started to panic. She had planned to let him have his wicked way with her and then she’d tell him. She was desperate to hold onto the threads of what she had right here and right now just for a little longer before the slipped from her fingers.

Maybe he’d surprise her, maybe he’d understand. She didn’t honestly know. She’d lived with it long enough that even she didn’t know what was wrong or right about it anymore. She had no choice but the guilt ate away every piece of her reasoning.

His hands shot up into her hair as he pressed her hard against the front door of the apartment and shifted himself so they lined up. His lips brushed over hers, his hand cupped her cheek and the flick of his tongue against hers shot straight to her knees.

The kiss was electrifying as it thundered through her heart and warred with her emotions. Desperately she tugged at his belt and his hand hiked up her skirt, his short nails grazing the skin on her thigh. Breathless hot kisses stopped her thinking and starting her wanting. She lifted her leg up around his waist and he tucked himself against her until she felt the line of his cock pressed into her belly. Her neck tipped back and his mouth scraped down her neck, hungry and unapologetic. She was losing her grip of reality and quickly sliding into sweet seduction.

His mouth and his breath all on her, all over her. She wanted it one last time to make her feel amazing and worth the love he’d given her. More than anyone had given her in her entire life.

“More.” She panted as his fingers twined around the thin strap of lace of her g-string and guitar calluses brushed against the delicate skin.

“Devon.” His eyes closed and he groaned as two fingers pushed into her and her head hit the back of the door with a thud.

“Oh god.” She cried locking her leg tighter around his waist. She hooked one hand up around the back of his neck and pulled him in close so their lips touched and their noses bumped as his fingers pumped her.

“So wet.” He whispered against her lips. Their eyes locked as he found her sweet spot and the fire raged inside of her.

He had the power to snap her in half and in the most delicious way. “Oh god!” She shouted into the empty lobby while also thanking god he was the only occupier on this floor. Bulbs burst before her eyes as the orgasm rippled through her until she was limp against the door, standing only because she was nailed to it by him.

Jon fumbled for his keys and pushed them inside. He dumped her purse, her keys and shrugged out of his jacket. His hands slid over her dress and he tugged the zipper down as he kissed her and stepped her back towards the windows.

Her mind was exploding like fireworks as the post-orgasm buzzed on her skin and her blood was molten in her veins. Jon slid open the sliders and backed her out onto the deck, the familiar backdrop of the city the only audience.

“Shoes.” She said between furious kisses as he laid her back onto the oversized couch.

“Oh, they stay on.” He grinned as he wrestled his belt off and tugged down his pants. Her breasts spilled from her strapless bra and his mouth covered her nipple, his tongue curling around the tip. She screamed as the pleasure melted from the sensitive skin.

Her legs parted and he slid inside her, her nails digging into his shoulders and desperate to hold on.

“Oh man,” she panted, her hair already slick with sweat.

“This only gets better.” He breathed as he stretched and filled her slowly and her body trembled with need.

The pang of guilt ate holes in her stomach, it was true they only did get better but it couldn’t stay like this. She kissed him hard on the lips and slammed her eyes shut, desperate that when she opened them her life would be different. She wouldn’t have to tell him. She wouldn’t have to break his heart.

When she did open her eyes his were centered on her, intense but calm. The stare was loving and caring and it melted her to the core. She didn’t deserve him. She cupped his cheek as she bit back the tears that streaked down her cheeks. “I love you.” She whispered as he found their rhythm.

And I don’t want to let go.

“I love you too baby.” He placed a kiss on her forehead as he arched over her, hitting her deep and true as the orgasm rolled through them. She held on for life, she held on for dear eternity as he made love to her. The weight of him was comforting and she needed it always and always was sliding away.

When he came inside her the tears flowed freely and she broke down in tears and her heart was heavy.

“God, Devon-are you ok?” He asked as he lifted himself off her and pulled her up into his arms. She held on and his arms engulfed her tight against his hot skin. She closed her eyes and breathed in his scent one last time.

“Hey? What’s wrong? You’re scaring me a little? Did I hurt you?”

She shook her head. “No, you didn’t. God no.” She stroked his hair back from his face. “I can’t do it anymore. I can’t go on like this.”

His brow beetled and the lines of his face deep. “What? what do you mean, I thought we were fine now?”

“We are - we’re more than fine. You’re a wonderful man Jon but I need to tell you truth.”

“Fuck, Devon you’re really starting to scare me. Come back inside baby and we’ll get some clothes on.”

Her hands were shaking as she pulled back her dress on and wiped her cheeks.

“Here.” Jon came back in his pants, the button open at the top. He handed her a glass with scotch in it. “Your trembling, sit down baby.”

He was being so nice, so nice for what she was about to do to him.

She sucked in her breath and took a couple of moments to clear her throat and steady her voice. She owed it to him to be calm. “I’m not who you think I am.”

Jon stood with his own whiskey but perched himself on the edge of the couch. “Wh-what do you mean?” He asked confused taking a sip.

“I’ve done something really bad but I just ask you one to do one thing, and that’s to try and understand it from my side. It won’t make it any better but it might help you see why.”

“Ok, Devon. What the hell is going on? You’re making no sense at all.”

She closed her eyes and she swore she could smell Jared’s cologne as her mind went back to the day that she changed her life for good. “Jared, I told you about Jared and how I fell into the wrong crowd with him.”

Jon nodded. “Yes, that’s right and that your parents didn’t approve. And you ran away, you told me that.”

“Right. What I didn’t tell you is the circumstance of how I came to run away.” She twisted the glass in her hands and stared at the whiskey as it sloshed around the cup as she desperately tried not to shake.

“Oh?” Jon asked.

“Jared and I always had this grand plan of running away together. I was so so stupid and he’d embedded it into my head that it was the only way that I’d ever be free from my parents. Of course looking back it was all bullshit. So, we needed money...” She took a quick sip of courage.

Jon cracked his knuckles and shifted on the couch. “And?”

She covered her mouth as she remembered, the screams of the innocent people in the bank that had the shit scared out of them that day. “We robbed a bank.”

“Jesus Christ.” He spluttered.

She couldn’t look at him, she couldn’t see the judgement or the disgust that would be in his eyes. “It didn’t go to plan-and Jared got caught but I got away.”

“With the money.” Jon interjected.

She closed her eyes and nodded. “Yes. We had fake passports and everything had been planned. But I left without him. I drove to my parents house the night of the robbery and I sat outside and I just couldn’t go in. I was so scared. So I ran.”

“How much?”

“Two hundred and fifty thousand dollars.”

“Fuck me.” Jon swore and this time she did look at him. Her heart sliced into two with the way he was looking at her. He was hurt and she didn’t deserve anything less. He covered his mouth with his hands and rocked forward.

She was light-headed and while it was a relief to finally tell someone she knew she just bared her soul to him. He could pick up the phone and call the police and her life would be over. “That’s why I have so much money on me. You were right. I do carry too much money on me. I carry it incase I had to run from him again.”

“So why tell me now? In case I figured out you were a bank robber and called the feds on you?” He asked bluntly.

“God no!” She cried. “I told you because I knew I had to. I love you Jon and I couldn’t keep lying to you like this. It was killing me inside.” She whispered.

He stood and paced the room. “Christ Devon--fuck if that’s even your name!”

She nodded. “It is my name. It’s listed as my middle name on my identification in the US but it’s what I go by and it’s my real first name.” She was numb inside. The ball had dropped. There was no coming back from this and she knew it.

“I can’t-god I can’t even believe this.” He stood and stared out at the city so she stood, not sure if she should run out the door or go to him. She followed her instinct to go to him and stood behind him, her hand gently on his shoulder.

“Don’t. Touch me.”

The tears spilled silently down her cheeks as the love inside her shattered. “I wish I could take it all back every day. I lost everything.”

“Your salon? It’s all dirty money?”

She shook her head. “At the start yes. But over the last five years I’ve paid it back, every single penny.”

He snapped. “Paid it back to yourself you mean.”

“I felt too guilty using it for anything. I couldn't..”

“Oh that makes everything better. You deceived everybody Devon.”

“I know - I know this means nothing but I’m a different person now than what I was. I was young and I was stupid and if I could take it all back-”

“Well you can’t and that’s such a fucking cliche Devon. How the hell you haven’t been caught I’ll never know.”

“Jared knew what he was doing. I laid low for the first couple of years here, down south.”

“And he’s still in prison?”

“He’s out now. He served a few years and was out on good behaviour.”

Jon let out a big breath and the silence cut through the room. “I don’t know if I can look at you right now.” His tone wasn’t anger, it was dead stone cold which was worse. She was dying inside. Piece by piece. She grabbed her purse, stood in front of him and reached up her hand to his cheek. Her thumb stroked over the curve of his cheek and her heart smashed as he looked down at her with tears shining behind his eyes. Those sweet blue eyes. “I’m going to go Jon but I just want you to know something.”

She stumbled on the words as her tears spilled down her cheeks. “I love you Jon and I didn’t ever expect this to happen and for what ever short time this was. You saved me. You saved me from myself and I’ll always be grateful for that.”

His hand gripped her wrist and her heart soared as he squeezed it holding her gaze for a second and then moved her hand away from his face. “Just go.”

She nodded and turned away in time to see a lone tear roll down his cheek. “Goodbye Jon.”

She closed the door behind her and left the building knowing she was leaving the best thing that had ever happened to her behind. She had no clue how she got herself home and into the safety of her own apartment but she did. She locked her door behind her and slunk into a pile onto the floor and let the floodgates open.

It was over.