Chapter Thirty Seven: Torn

Jon checked his watch and frowned. Devon was taking her time and had been so withdrawn which wasn’t like her at all. Of course this wasn’t exactly the easiest place to bring someone that wasn’t used to it and his Dad’s words about looking out for her rang true.

“Stood up?” A strong hand cupped his shoulder and Jon looked up into familiar heavy-set eyes.

“Sonofabitch! Hell must have frozen over for you to be here.”

Bruce grinned and they shook hands. “Patti was the one that wanted to come. She loves the work Elton does so I had to come by. I figured someone local would be here I could hang with and voila. Here you are - minus a date? Lost your charm Jersey boy?”

“She went to the bathroom actually, smart-ass.”

“Patti did too so they’re probably talking and trading secrets or whatever women do in bathrooms, maybe Voodoo.” He wiggled his eyebrows and laughed.

“Is this a suit?” Jon teased. Bruce was the local pin-up boy for the blue-collared class so it was not every day on saw him in a pressed Boss.

“Now who’s the wise-guy? Yes it is. I woulda worn jeans and a shirt but Patti would have killed me.”

“Not to mention it is Black Tie, Bruce.”

“So, you still crazy in lurveeee?”

Jon narrowed his eyes and then shoved a hand into his hair.

“That bad huh?”

“No, just this-Devon got overwhelmed I thought she’d be OK with all this.”

“With the more flashing lights than the Rockefeller Tree outside in your face? Yeah sure, it’s a trip.”

He glanced in the direction of the ladies. It had been a weird day, from when he surprised her she’d been on edge and not like the Devon he knew at all. He could read her well but there was still something that nagged at him that shouldn’t have. She was afraid of something but he wasn’t sure what.

He did have to realize that she was out of her depth as well and this may have been the every-day thing to do for him but it had to be something completely different to her.

“I suppose you’re right, not exactly a relaxing evening out. This is the last place I’d expect to see you.”

“Meh-we hadn’t been to one for awhile. The extravagance of these things annoys the shit out of me.”

Jon raised his brows. “And you pick Elton’s to come to - that was a bad choice then.”

“Well as I said Patti wanted to come and I can handle wearing a suit for a few hours. Just.” Bruce winked and patted his arm and then straightened his jacket. “You look worried Jonny. She’ll be out soon, you know women they like to do their thing in there.”

“I know.” God. He could kill for a cigarette but he wasn’t about to leave not knowing if she was coming out or not.

He had to be OK with this. He wasn’t going to screw up another relationship being overly anal about things. He’d made that commitment to himself and he intended on keeping it. A puff of air left his lungs as he caught sight of her with Patti across the room. The strip of skin was distracting in the middle. How was he supposed to pay any attention to anything above her neck when the dress practically dragged his eyes down to trace the keyhole in the middle.

He could almost taste her skin. He wasn’t above burying his doubts deep inside her either because when they connected it was something else. The sparkle of on her shoe caught in the light but he wished it matched the look in her eyes. She searched the room and when her gaze landed on him she smiled.

“Here they are. The best two looking women in the room. Evenin’ young Devon.” Bruce leaned forward and kissed her cheek and Jon did the same to Patti.

“Lovely to see you again Patti.”

“Hi.” He said just out of ear shot of Bruce and Patti as he slipped his arm around her waist. “Everything ok?”

“Yes, fine all those lights are not good for the face so a little touch up with in order.”

Patti grinned. “Ain’t that the truth. Imagine my surprise finding this darlin’ in the ladies room. Now what’s everyone having to drink?”
“I’ll have a white wine and Devon will too?” He finished as she nodded.

“We’ll be back soon.” Patti hooked her arm through Bruce and dragged him towards the bar. Subtly sometimes wasn’t her strong suit as he knew damn well her and Bruce didn’t drink barely anything at these events.

“Did you want to dance?” Jon asked hoping he could coax her nerves away with a little dance.

“That would be lovely.”

He winked and took her hand and led her into the sea of people. A low sultry beat was playing and he shifted her hand into the small of her back and pulled her in. Her sweet scent surrounded him and her lips parted. He leaned in and kissed her gently letting his lips hover for just a second.

“You made it through.”

Her eyes flicked up to his but then the lines in her face relaxed. “I did. You must think I’m silly.”

He pressed his cheek against the side of her head as he swayed her gently and clasped his hand in hers. “I would never think that. This isn’t exactly-normal.”

“It’s your normal.”

He chuckled and let her drift with him. “It’s overwhelming though?”

“Most things about you Jon are.” He could hear the smile in her voice and closed his eyes and enjoyed the simple moment. Hips lips brushed her ear.

Some day, when I'm awfully low,
When the world is cold,
I will feel a glow just thinking of you
And the way you look tonight.

“That’s not the song playing silly.”

“You should know by now I do what I want.”

She tipped her head and their eyes met, a small smile played on her lips. “No comment.”

He brushed back her hair and his thumb scraped along her jaw.

You're lovely, with your smile so warm
And your cheeks so soft,
There is nothing for me but to love you,
And the way you look tonight.

He wanted her to trust him, implicitly as he’d never felt like he could trust someone the same in a long time. Song had been the easiest way to express himself all his life and hell, who could go wrong with the greats he so loved and admired. The lights were low and his hand slid down her back and rested over her ass. She lifted her arms up around her neck and reached up to kiss him gently.

“You’re lovely Devon.”.

Her blue eyes deepened and her fingers sifted through the ends of his hair on his neck and she smiled. He took a step back and let her twirl out and back in close to him. Each word he whispered into her hair.

Lovely ... never, ever change.
Keep that breathless charm.
Won't you please arrange it?
'cause I love you ... just the way you look tonight.

The song was true, a classic Sintara track covered by many others but it rang true tonight. She was lovely, and it didn’t matter to him if there was press lining up to get snaps of them or she felt awkward around them, it’s what made her real and if he was honest he hated the red carpet so it was refreshing to have someone that didn’t have an agenda with him. Her innocence was one of the most attractive things about her and that was something new for Jon.

A breathless charm was perfect in the way to describe her. Franky definitely knew his stuff when it came to women.

“No one has ever sang to me.”

His brow lifted and he winked. “Get used to it.”

“It’s just us.”

“Huh?”

His hand cupped her jaw and he pressed his lips against hers. “Forget about the room, the photographers, the people...just be here now, with me. That’s all that matters.”

Her body tensed as his hands slid over her ass and he frowned. She wasn’t herself at all and he wanted her back.

“Dev-come back to me.”

She eased up a little and she pressed up against him, all her soft curves against him. His cock jumped to attention. He couldn't help it-- all that skin and straps up against him. She tipped her chin up and her eyes filled with warmth.

“I am here, silly.”

He kissed her gently. “Good- so stay with me.”

~

She closed her eyes and the music swirled around her. She wanted to get lost with him but it was holding her back. She loved Jon and she loved the idea of his life, she screamed for it from the inside. She truly did.

The week had been overwhelming and maybe she needed a couple of days away from him just to screw her head back on properly. Ground herself. Take a few moments and just breathe. It pained to her to even consider it as she’d been so used to being alone, living in her world with her people and just doing fine. Now she craved Jon more than she did being alone so it wouldn’t be something easy to give up. If she had to give it up.

“Do you know all of these people?”

He chuckled softly into her ear. “Not intimately no. Elton has circles far and wide than I could ever rival.”

“Well he is a knight.” She murmured as his fingers drifted down her back and she took in the spice and strength that surrounded her.

His lips hovered over hers. “I could be your knight.”

She curled her fingers around her lapels. “You already are.” That was something that couldn’t be more true. He had rescued her, more so from herself than anything else.

She took a quick intake of breath before his mouth covered hers. It was soft and sweet at first but he tugged her in closer and fire burned inside her belly. His finger tips steadied on her hairline as he tipped her head up for a better angle and the kiss went deep. It hit her knees and melted through her like a sweet creamer in your coffee. Her hands slid onto his chest, all that firm muscle under her palms as he tasted each corner of her mouth. It would never stop amazing her how quick he could make her forget any given moment and just want him.

Her eyes fluttered closed and his hand cupped the back of her neck, they were out of view concealed in the corner of the dance floor while the rest of the guests floated around them.

Time stood still in the moment that connected them. It was overwhelming and it wasn't till she moaned as his lips hit her neck that she stepped back. “I should go.”

The worry etched in the lines of his face made her stomach bottom out. “Why?”

“I-I’m just not feeling well.”

His hand rested on her shoulder. “We can both go. I don’t have to stay.”

She nodded her head but didn’t have the heart to tell him she needed to be alone. God dammit she didn’t want to be alone but she had to take a step back from all this and gather herself. But she wanted to get out of here, she didn’t belong here and she certainly didn’t deserve to be here no matter how hard she was fooling herself.

She should have gone and said goodbye to Patti and Bruce but she couldn’t bring herself to do it, the more she was there the faster she needed to leave.

In the safety of the town car she breathed a sigh of relief away from the choker-chain of press photographers. Jon tapped in his phone and then tucked it away in his pocket and slung his arm around her shoulders.

“Are you sure you’re ok?”

“Maybe this was too soon.” She rolled her lip over her teeth.

His fingers teased a wisp of her hair. “Maybe it was. It’s a lot to take in.”

She wasn’t sure if she was thinking about the night or Jon for a second there. On paper what she’d had in a week was the stuff storybooks were made of and she had loved every minute of it, pretending she was someone else, someone that could fall in love easily and well, live happily ever after.

The dimness of the car was a blessing as she bit back the tears that threatened to spill down her cheeks. Patti was right, she had to tell Jon the truth but what was the point if she was going to lose it all. You couldn’t have your cake and eat it too.

God, I am so stupid.

“How about we have one of those famous bubble baths and just unwind tonight?”

“I just want to go home Jon.” She sat still with her knees together and her purse tucked under her hands neatly on top.

“Ok-your place it is.” He nuzzled into her ear until she spoke again.

“Alone.”

His arm dropped away from her shoulders. “What’s wrong?” His tone fell flat. He wasn’t amused with her.

“I just need a little time out. I’m tired and just need a girl moment or two.”

He let out a sigh. “I don’t like it only because I know that’s not all there is to it.”

Her behvaiour had been a little on the dramatic side so she needed to be the good actress she was or she’d lose Jon for good without even trying. “Honestly, I just need a bit of time. We agreed we’d had a huge week together and it’s been everything a girl dreams of. Jon, I’m just-”

Scared.

“Tired.” She finished. She rubbed his knee gently and forced a smile. “Honestly.”

The car rolled to a stop outside her place and the driver opened her door and Jon got out on his side and followed her to the door.

“Are you sure I can’t change your mind? I don’t like to think of you like this Dev.”

She stood on the first step and kissed the top of his head. “I’ll call you tommorow?”

“I love you dammit.” His fingers dragged under her jaw as their gaze met.

“I love you too.”

That’s the problem.

The sincerity in her voice was enough to ease the worry on his face.

“Call me anytime - but call me tomorrow. I’m not happy about this.” He stole a quick kiss but held it for a few seconds before stepping back.

“Night Jon.”

As he slid back into the car she turned around and the tears spilled down her cheeks. It was ridiculous really, why was she crying? Because she was in love with a man. But it was more than that, she was in love with a man that loved her back, unconditionally. And that was the problem.