Chapter Twenty-Two: Reality Bites

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Devon smiled into warm skin as she woke with strong arms wrapped her around tucking her in tight. She sighed and took in the tender moment while she was tangled around him. Her cheek was pressed against his chest and she could hear the slow beat of his heart as his chest rose and fell in deep sleep. It was the most amazing feeling being a strong man's arms no matter who it was and there was something so safe and secure about the moment.

The rest of the world outside had melted away and she felt invincible. It had been a long time since she could remember this feeling and she wondered if she actually ever really did. She'd made such poor judgement calls in the past and instead of looking for the men that could build her up and make her strong she'd chosen the ones that drew her in and ripped her apart.

Here she was now a half a world away from her mistakes and former life. Could she really and truly move on from it all? She'd done well to keep herself grounded and clean since arriving in New York determined never to make the same mistakes again. Was this enough for her redemption? Who knows but one thing was clear and that was that Jon had given her a glimmer of hope that it really could be.

She closed her eyes and in the dead of night listened to his lifeblood beat around her and smiled. Her fingers curled into chest hair and a tear slid down her cheek as she tried to push her feelings aside. Problems always were amplified in the middle of the night.

"Can't sleep?"

Her eyes fluttered opened and his grip loosened around her shoulders. She became heavy against him as his fingertips drifted down her naked back.

"Mmm, I'm enjoying that."

"It's about as good as I massage and oh Devon?"

"Yeah?" She asked sleepily as she licked her lips.

"What did you to Devon and when did you replace her with this tyrant in the bedroom?"

She giggled and thanked god the lights were out as the heat crept up her neck to her face. She hadn't meant to be so full on with Jon--with tying him up, it had just happened and she'd gone with it. It had paid off and seriously she hadn't felt that adventurous in a long time. "You pushed me to it."

He snorted. "Oh, so it's my fault?"

"Isn't it always?" She asked innocently as she burrowed deeper under the covers.

He kissed the top of her head and twisted them so she was facing him side by side. "You are not as innocent as I thought you were Devon Scott."

She may have not been able to see him but she could feel his gaze run over her even in the darkness. "What's the time?"

"About three-am. I'm kinda hungry." He announced with a yawn and stretched around her.

"We barely touched the pasta."

"Want me to go and get it?"

She snorted as her stomach growled at the thought. "Go on then. I can go freshen up. Got a t-shirt I can snag since you ripped my nightwear into shreds?"

"Oh yeah - I did." He rolled over and she squinted as he flicked on the light. "I'll buy you a new one." Her heart took a dive as he waggled his eyebrows. "Just so I can rip it off you again."

Jon pulled on a pair of jeans, pulled out a drawer and handed her a t-shirt and padded out the door. His long lean torso silhouetted against the light and accentuated out all the curves in all the right places. She pulled on the ribbed grey tee and headed into the ensuite. The face that stared back at her was ridiculous. Her lips were swollen and her cheeks were flushed with colour. And god, her hair looked like she'd stuck her fingers in a power socket. Good grief. She rummaged through her overnight bag for her beauty kit and quickly washed her face ran a brush through her hair. Taking a moment she admired the bathroom, it may have been an ensuite but the granite and marble that extended everywhere around pristine white tiles made it bigger than her own bathroom in her apartment.

I must be crazy to be here.

She applied some night cream and rubbed it into her neck as she wondered back into the bedroom. Scattered along the walls were framed black and white pictures of his kids cheesing for the camera and one pictured the younger boys in a tackled heap onto of Jon. She had no doubt he applied himself to being a father with ease and commitment the way he obviously approached anything else in his life.

He could be a lot to live up to she realized. He wasn’t perfect and he never claimed to be but the thought of him accepting her and all her flaws daunted her. There was another frame which included a pair of very old concert tickets and a record which she recognized to be Slippery when Wet.

“Why this one?” She asked him as he came back into the bedroom balancing two bowls on a tray.

He rested it down and joined her at the wall. "That was the first concert we did as Bon Jovi and other ticket is the first time we sold out a show. The year we made it big. I just like to remind myself of that moment. All the rest are great achievements--but there is always one defining moment in our lives when you just know you've made it. That was mine."

She nodded. "That's really cool. I like that. You always know where you came from."

"Exactly right. What about you? Have you had one of those moments?

Her heart skipped a beat and she nodded. She'd had many but it depended on what kind of moment he meant. Had she had the one moment when her life changed and she couldn't look back? Yup. Was she proud of that moment? Not at all. "Well, I guess moving here is one. I moved countries and I started a business. That's an achievement."
"Hell yes. That took balls which you clearly have. You still haven't really told me why you moved here, did you do this back in New Zealand? Own a shop?"

She fiddled with her fingers and kept herself steady. "No I didn't have a shop there. This was my dream and I decided to do it big, why just open a shop in your hometown when you can in New York City? Right?"

He wrapped his arms around her and his fingers entwined with hers at her belly from behind as they faced the pictures. "I don't dream big. I plan big and I make it happen." He kissed the top of her head. "Don't you miss your home and everyone there? Your family?"

She wavered as the lump swelled in her throat. "Of course I do. But they understand." Dammit. He squeezed her tighter.

"What happened Devon?"

She pried his fingers off hers, broke his grasp and walked away. She was tempted to walk right out of the apartment but she couldn't. It wasn't his fault. None of this was. It was hers.

"We just didn't see eye to eye on a few things." That was an understatement and she knew it. The spacious bedroom had become like a goldfish bowl and her chest grew tight as she struggled to breathe. She'd let Jon get to her emotionally. Little by little he was inching into her world and under her skin and she was letting him. God, she wanted to let him but she was in serious danger of unravelling right in front of him.

He stood back and folded his arms. "You left on bad terms?"

A tear spilled down her cheek. She needed to get the hell out of this apartment and away from him. She snatched her clothes but Jon blocked her in the door way of the ensuite.

"Devon." His voice was soft and full of concern.

"I better go. I just-" She stared at the ground but he tipped her jaw and her gaze met his.

"I'm sorry. I’ll back off. Please stay. I couldn't bear the thought of you leaving like this."

She sighed and dropped her clothes on the chair in his room. "I'm sorry. It's just difficult to talk about it. I barely know you."

He chuckled and shook his head. "What's ironic is I'm usually the one in your shoes not giving things away. I'm just not used to the role reversal." He took her hands in his and his lips hovered over hers. His heady scent swam around her. "I just want to know who you are. I like you. Is that so bad?"

She smiled and her shoulders dropped with relief. "No. Of course not. I'm just not good at this. I've been alone for a long time I'm not used to sharing things with people." She felt good that was actually was the truth and she he had been on her own for a while now. She wasn't good at letting go with people and she’d let her guard down in the bedroom with Jon. There was a hole that burned inside of her for it though; she wasn't built to be alone even though this was the path she’d chosen for herself. She was built to love and care for someone and the reality was that need bubble up inside her when she was around Jon. She wished that it didn't but it did.

"C'mere." She closed her eyes as his arms drew around her shoulders and he pulled her in close. The soft hair on his chest pressed against her cheek and she relished being close with him once again. She'd defused him for now. Deep in her heart she knew she should walk away after this night but now that she was so close to having something she'd so dearly missed it was going to be hard to give that up again easily.

They broke apart and he tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear and his mouth found hers. The kiss was slow, inviting and warm. She circled her arms around his neck and rose onto her tip toes as he deepened the kiss. His tongue ran down hers and she groaned as his hands drifted up her sides and over her breasts. Their teeth clicked and she squealed as he swept her up in his arms and carried her to the bed. Her fingers traced down the lines in his neck as he hovered above her.

"I really like you too. Just so you know."

He grinned. "Good. Because you know I get what I want and I want you so I don't like your chances of trying to leave me now. I want to see where this goes Devon."

She bit her lip and both excitement and dread raced through her. How could she give herself wholly to him knowing she would always keep a part of her at a distance from him? It wasn't fair to him. It was too bad that he was damn convincing and delicious and he filled something inside of her she'd missed way more than she cared to admit. Maybe like the saying went it was better to love and lose than to never love at all. She just hoped Jon thought that way too.